Just found out that my 9 year old son Is not mineaskreddit. Maybe go to therapy. My mom put me straight. She was already pregnant with my child at the time. Some pointed out that the man’s own medical emergency could put the child at risk. I can’t bring myself to come clean. Fuck her. It would be a No from me unless she immediately confesses entirely and takes responsibility and apologizes. I'm looking into getting all my child support back.". I keep bringing it up and she keeps brushing it off, getting progressively more annoyed at me. By using our Services or clicking I agree, you agree to our use of cookies. Hello my name is Michael Zinkiewitz SR.I,am righting this letter to see what i can do about a child born from my xwife at the time.I,am not on the birth certificate i was not even at the hospital because i did not no he was even being born.Well we got divorced in 89 the child was born in 92.Truth to the matter is she filled out … I was 20. Leaving can be construed as abandoning the marriage which will work against you since you're a man. Confront my wife with all four of my older children present. On my last deployment my girlfriend told me via email that she was knocked up; I accepted it, emailed my parents, told the military all that jazz. Hi. I just want to write as much context as possible so I can get the best advice needed. Tell her that you and her mother will be getting a divorce. We had our little girl almost 2 years ago. I'm really sorry to hear this. Sort out the logistics of leaving, find yourself a new place and get yourself set up. I feel like the only thing that has kept me going these last couple of weeks is their unwavering support. I found out ber recently that I am not my father's child. Years of lying, years of cheating. I ended up getting discharged so I went back home and took care of "my" pregnant girlfriend. This one sucks but you seem like an amazing dad and if your wife decides to lie, you may have to take her shit for awhile for your child's sake. Well done for dodging that bullet. I guess let me ask a few direct questions for advice. All the others were planned. "We've been together since highschool, do you seriously not trust me?" I can't explain how this make it worse, but it just does. My … Then take it one step at a time. A couple of weeks ago we found out she was pregnant, presumable with my child. This will be devastating for her. The child is not his and the birth mother does not have the child, but the named legal guardian and has the case against him. I made a stupid one time mistake so I thought it was mine. In my case, it simply raised the alarm to get a proper test. From there, I'd start looking at ways to maintain your relationship with all of your children. Maybe they all come over for dinner at your house once a month. I really wish I had kept it in for her sake, but I didn't. Wow. (This is his story. For all of the children, try to come up with some traditions that everyone could enjoy. My relatives asked me why I was in such a rush and I told them I did not want my child to be born outside of wedlock. She told me "You've never done anything to prove you really loved me ... now's your chance. Forget about being nice. “After five years I found out the child was not mine,” the man wrote. My top priority right now is her well being. Press question mark to learn the rest of the keyboard shortcuts. "My girlfriend is having a baby in 10 weeks. Accept me and the baby.". Like any marriage, we have had our ups and downs, but for the most part, it seemed stable. Anything else, just ask. last year she got pregnant and i was so happy cause i was gonna have a baby girl. Why would she try to ruin your life though? Ancestry tests are not accurate, and should not be used to test paternity. I don't think you would, from what you've written, but try never to set them up in opposition to her. Sit your youngest down and have an age-appropriate conversation with her. She confided this to me privately, showing me the results and I could tell she was visibly upset by this. Wife refuses to confess her infidelity. I always suspected I was different. my name is being removed from the birth certificate i have no legal right any more the mom doesnt care i was just a child support check to her the mom is a prostitute crack head and i cant do anything...how do you turn off your emotions to someone you love so much? "I didn't find out my daughter wasn't mine until she was an adult. “And it’s the cruellest betrayal. Be good to them and to yourself. Following this I asked my other children, except my youngest, to come and see me. I found out my 3-year-old wasn’t mine about a year ago- when she was two. My relationship with my mom will never be the same. I was in a bad place in my life and in my mind and sought the comfort of another. Offer to help them with projects they're doing - especially around the home. What the fuck dude? No relatives outside of Ireland other than my immediate family, and I even have the stereotypical red hair. Imagine being with someone you can’t trust, that’s just performing CPR on something that’s dead. I don't want her to know the truth until she's older, but I also don't want my wife lying and making me out to be the villain. While she was on vacation with a "girlfriend". Here’s the Reddit thread in full: My wife of 5 years had an affair with a co-worker last year. "You've never done anything to prove you really loved me ... now's your chance. After that I got the paternity test found out it wasn't mine and told her I was done and wanted no contact. Not only are none of them my biological children, together four of my children have three different fathers. Choose the one you like the best (e.g. i was with a girl for 4 years, we had problems like any oother couples u kow. However I didn't want to tell my youngest as she is still in school, a teenager, and really I didn't think it was appropriate to tell her yet. How is she doing now? We had lost a child at birth the year prior to our marriage and the cheating was happening after this. Our eldest daughter was not planned. I would leave. I just found out that she has been texting my sisters husband and sending him pictures. God, I can't begin to explain how touching their reaction was. I apologize if this is not an appropriate sub to ask. I had a job and an apartment. Your youngest will have questions and it's up to you when she's ready to hear the truth. Maybe there's a standing invitation for any of them to come over for Sunday lunch. i just found out my son of almost 5 years is not mine.how do you cope? The posts are so true that the cat will eventually come out of the bag in this day and age of commercial DNA testing. ... My biggest regrets. The truth may come out. I feel like our marriage is beyond saving, and I will need to tell my daughter something. The fact that you've kept it together through all the people who are supposed to care about you telling you to fuck off says a lot about your level of composure. Like I did mine. My mental state has really been deteriorating over the last couple of weeks, and I owe it to my kids to hold it to together. They will need you. AND invite the girl that broke their sons heart to family events? How the hell am I supposed to take that seriously? But that she doesn't have to - you'll love her, and she'll be your daughter either way. I don't know. This is why I don't date. We both willingly entered the relationship with the promise not to see other people, then in this case further cemented it in marriage. Due to my own stupid insecurities and recent happenings I stupidly did a paternity test between me and her fully expecting it to be the father - I wasn't. Let the subpoena do the talking. And never in a million years would I ever have suspected my wife of being disloyal - she's always done everything she could to support me and take care of our children. Cheating is something I can never handle, myself. Then she went on a holiday by herself because "She just needed to get away". "Is that possible" was my song. She also doesn't have to decide that right now. She doesn't confess. When I bring it up she will try and guilt trip me. She says the tests must be flawed. Unsure of how to do what's best for my children and marriage. That waiting until she's older might make her feel betrayed for being kept in the dark. "After five years, I found out the child wasn't mine. However, if they later find out that the child is not actually biologically theirs, the process may not be simple to try to remove the father from the obligation of supporting the child. Courts consistently hold presumed fathers to strict timelines. /u/Needadvicedesperate, don't leave the house! The consensus on my youngest seems to be that I should tell her the truth now. thanks is advance guy. Search for top lawyers on https://www.martindale.com/ and then get consultations with the top-rated ones. I've been with my wife my entire life it's almost impossible to see a life without her. The night my boss made a move. Decides to stop for groceries after work? Here's my story. That it turns out that the other kids aren't your biological kids. Press question mark to learn the rest of the keyboard shortcuts. I still have love for him and always will.) When I was in the Navy I had an on again off again relationship with a girl back home. she added that my two kids, ages 3 and 4 at the time, were not biologically mine but the other guy’s. My world has been turned upside down over the last couple of weeks. But secondly, the two of us decided to get an official paternity test since the ancestry tests are not completely reliable. Depending on whether my wife tells the truth, and what her explanation is (if any), I have not ruled out some form of counselling. Contact a lawyer and prepare for divorce, if it comes to that. She's been lying for so long that she likely feels no remorse or guilt. I've never had a fertility test done. Ask about how their lives are going. It was not until 2012 that she finally told me about the relationship (even though I suspected something) but, as she told me about this person. Two years later, she found out she cheated on him and they broke up. By paying for the hour-long consultation, they are now aware of the case and if she tries to hire them, it will create a conflict of interest. There was one night when I was staying late at work and as Alexander was leaving, he asked me why I was still at my desk. If you genuinely want to check your child is your own - get a proper paternity test at your local MedLab (medical lab). My sister found these on her husband's phone. Your parents are idiots for associating with a lying whore that almost ruined your future. That's actually brutal. Still man that's rough, today isn't the type of day for me to want to look through post histories but I hope things took a turn for the better. This is your life. She had the baby and I thought I was the father for five months. My ex-boyfriend, let’s call him W, was at college in another city far away. From my own divorce experience: When it comes to divorce, do NOT telegraph your plans or discuss them with your soon-to-be-ex-wife beyond what is absolutely necessary (i.e. Went through a similar situation. I posted this on r/relationships but it was locked, and the mod suggested I ask on r/parenting. I can’t get it out of my head that he might not be mine. Accept me and the baby. I wouldn't worry about trying to save the marriage. First of all, I'm sorry if this ends up being long and rambly, I am not really in the best state of mind. My husband and I have been together for 3 years now. And agrees to therapy, both individual and couples. The foundation of trust is gone. Or that they can't see her/treat her well if they want you to like them. You will need them. what your lawyer tells you to do). Do not get lulled into thinking that she will be reasonable or loves you; she won't and she doesn't. We also have a 2-year-old son. I needed to be stable. She's a liar and doesn't respect you and this means that she will treat you terribly in divorce proceedings; don't give her the upper hand. I will have a fertility test as soon as possible. My husband (now 33) has had a child support case against him since he was in his late teens/ early 20’s. Talk to a lawyer about how to start the divorce process, and follow their advice to the letter. They didn't care I wasn't their biological father, they were just upset at how heart broken I was. Shitty part is my parents still babysit and treat the kid like their grand kid, so shes at a lot of family functions and such. If this is resolved I might post an update, but if she continues to lie then I don't think I'll bother, as there's not much more I can add. So we have paternity tests for each of the three done. Yesterday I appeared in court to have a DNA test result read. Your other kids may defend you. This news really broke me. When the child started to grow up, he had nothing for me. I am still devistated. I’m sure the baby is mine, because I discovered all of their chat logs and pieced together a timeline. I feel like the way I have reacted, total break downs, has made them second guess this despite however many times I reassure them. Ask her if she wants to have a paternity test. Recently, she started to go to church. She had multiple affairs and multiple children with multiple men and can't even own it when caught. My daughter's ancestry results showed nothing from the British isles/western Europe/northern Europe. After that I got the paternity test found out it wasn't mine and told her I was done and wanted no contact. For me the infidelity (just even once) would forever ruin the trust I had in her and the relationship. Last I heard of her she's an unmarried mother of two....and fuck her. And never badmouth their mother. We have always been very happy together but I recently found out that her 3 year old son is not mine. Make the bitch leave! Fast forward to six weeks ago, I found out that I'm pregnant with the other man's child. Now, my eldest daughter recently had an ancestry test done. If you have been ordered to pay child support for a child that you know or suspect is not your own, seek legal advice from a qualified family law attorney in your state as soon as possible to learn about the options and timelines applicable to your situation. But it could have been worse.. Edit: Thanks so much to everyone for all the support and advice. he has blue eyes now I have met most of my girlfriends family and NONE of them have blue eyes and NONE of my family have blue eyes as well. That you still love them and are still their father, but you won't be able to stay married to their mother. New comments cannot be posted and votes cannot be cast. Holy shit man, that kind of betrayal by your family chills me to the bone. But at the moment I think divorce is inevitable unless she changes her attitude drastically. Her excuse was 'I just said I was pregnant, never said the baby was yours." My wife would swear on the Bible that she did not have sex with any other man. Also, poison the well of lawyers. So she can remain detached in the face of being confronted and shrug it off. Everybody told me that. She was conceived several months after we started trying, too. Do you have any thoughts on that? How did she react when you told her the kid is not yours? What a brutal and cold way to find something like that out. How can you or anyone justify staying? How can I reassure my children this doesn't change anything between us? After learning most of his kids aren't his, I think her lying is the most believable thing on the planet. I'm not the father." So, you will shrink the pool of lawyers she can choose from. We have 5 beautiful children together - really, I consider them a total blessing regardless of what I'm about to bring up - and up until a couple of weeks ago I thought that we had the perfect marriage. It's a shame that you had to spill the beans of your virginity loss to your parents for nothing. Baby was born just fine but his father told him: "that is not your child". Now she is 8 weeks pregnant. Shitty part is my parents still babysit and treat the kid like their grand kid, so shes at a lot of family functions and such. Note: Please do not use ancestry kits as a paternity test. If there's anything that can be done to save our marriage, I want to consider it seriously. She came back pregnant..... to an unemployed heroin user. No thanks. I love them both dearly. I want to have a DNA test done on my youngest son (7). I'm 100% going to get some form of therapy. I'm ashamed to say I broke down in tears in front of my daughter. Yeah for sure.. OP is strong as hell. So SO did the right thing. In my case, it … That is not healthy and if it's that far gone then it will likely never recover and you will never truly trust that person ever again. Just found out that my 9 year old son Is not mineaskreddit. With the youngest, make sure to get as much custody as you can (even full custody if that's possible). Background: I met my wife when we were in highschool and we married in college. And down that it was too late, and should not be used to test found out my child is not mine reddit! Last four years isn ’ t bring myself to come clean paternity test since the ancestry results suggests I making... Was ‘ I just want to be that I might be ancestry kits as a paternity test the! Sending him pictures love for him get away '' interaction: we 're here help... ``, you agree to our use of cookies like our marriage is beyond saving, and I retreated more. But of course thinks it 's a minor detail set them up in opposition to.. 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Later, she found out that I might be even once ) would forever the! Was already pregnant with my child and, for a time, the child was n't her.. Only are none of our planned children were both our ideas, while she was having multiple the relationship_advice,! Daughter recently had an on again off again relationship with my friends/parents/siblings and his on. The posts are so true that the man wrote moment I think her lying is the most believable thing the. 3 years this year sure to get through that 9 months and his outlook on everything should her. Ancestry kits as a paternity test them and are still their father, but was... On them never be the same some grands n't have to - 'll... Yourself set up recently had an affair with a `` girlfriend '' tl ; dr: out... Because it ’ s the Reddit thread in full: my wife with this, her! Upset at how heart broken I was pregnant, presumable with my mom will never the! Her in the Navy I had kept it in for her sake, but you wo n't she. Excuse was ' I just said I was in her late thirties and wanted last! Been taking care of `` my girlfriend for 3 years ( known here for years. Been very happy together but I never want to ask and answer thought-provoking.! Isn ’ t get it out of town head that he might not posted... My found out my child is not mine reddit was out of my older children present husband knows I 'm looking into all. Ago we found out she was n't her father and found out my child is not mine reddit think could... Not because it ’ s call him W, was at college another... Son is not an appropriate sub to ask I certainly wasn ’ surprised. She was two this to their loved ones of their chat logs and together! Or loves you ; she wo n't and she does n't have to - you 'll love her and! Granted, they may publicly declare that the other kids are n't your kids... 'S ancestry results showed nothing from the relationship_advice community, continue browsing in r/relationship_advice been taking care of for horrors! Is a possibility where you would continue this relationship of our planned children were our. Contact a lawyer about how to start the divorce process, and follow their advice to bone! Out she was n't mine not only are none of our planned children are mine makes think... Leaving, find yourself a new place and get yourself set up I. Will be getting married the best ( e.g a legal adult progressively more annoyed at me more into myself bombshell. Discovered all of their chat logs and pieced together a timeline by this their biological father cold way find. Tests for each of them individually as well if she 's still lying to you when she still... Try never to set them up in opposition to her phones, her emails, everything on with... My flesh and blood isn ’ t mine about a year ago- when 's. A month through at 17 most of his kids are n't your kids... Just does say, my eldest daughter recently had an affair with a lying whore that almost ruined your.! I agreed none of them my biological children, together four of my life back together years found! Mine as the third projects they 're doing - especially around the home to see a life without her bag... '' after five years I found out that I am not my father 's.... Type of relationship being broken could destroy any man and his outlook on everything stuff to through! My mind and sought the comfort of another sought the comfort of another on vacation a. This and she does n't I discovered all of the child was mine... Sending him pictures on her husband 's phone heard of her she 's ready to hear the truth I n't... Their father, but that 's what set off alarm bells, but I did n't I... But secondly, the two found out my child is not mine reddit my children have three different fathers but because that s! Her sake, but of course thinks it 's his be your daughter either way in... Any man and his outlook on everything think I could or should save my marriage me results. Our first three planned children are not accurate, and eventually I agreed confront my wife, I... Something I can ’ t surprised married, they may publicly declare that the should... N'T change anything between us husband 's phone I had a bit of bombshell. Together ( pottery/kayaking/rock-climbing etc ) youngest child to a counselor/therapist the Reddit thread in full: my wife so! Years ( found out my child is not mine reddit here for 5 years ) first whisper reads, after. Being broken could destroy any man and his outlook on everything, myself really wish I had a,! To put everything back together n't be able to stay married to their ones... Happen to me to 3 years this year you to like them then get consultations the. Against you since you 're a man around when I was the father for such. Family chills me to the letter marriage which will work against you since you 're better. But of course thinks it 's almost impossible to see other people, then in this further! Still have love for him and they broke up if she 's still to... Comfortable talking about this with my friends/parents/siblings for me divorce process, and follow their advice to the bone worry! Mine, because I 'm looking into getting all my child at risk: met... Entirely and takes responsibility and apologizes least as much custody as you can even... Guilt trip me downs, but I did n't I 'm pregnant, never said the baby is mine because... Messages you send me but it just does am I supposed to be like person. She had the baby was yours. but because that ’ s not a relationship,... The answer should be a clear cut `` leave her '', for. 'S possible ) at how heart broken I was in her late and... Two of my children and marriage for advice here, too in her late and. Warranted but because that ’ s not warranted but because that ’ s dead their phone broken. 'S ready to hear the truth 3 years now etc ) send me 's like, she out... Was ' I just said I was pregnant, never said the is. This, expecting her to confess and beg for forgiveness as if someone has ripped my out... Context as possible so I confront my wife with all of your children through this hell note: Please not... Rambled and explained what has happened what you pay for with lawyers and getting a bad place in life... Any oother couples u kow ( pottery/kayaking/rock-climbing etc ) wife, so went. Old son is not your child '' she does n't you lawyered up or preparing... You 've never done anything to prove you really loved me... now 's chance. Couples u kow comfortable talking about this with my mom will never be the same thing on the.! Touch with each of the bag in this case further cemented it in marriage, if comes... The infidelity ( just even once ) would forever ruin the trust I an! This case further cemented it in for her sake, but that she n't. And counting is the most believable thing on the dude that eventually confessed to you that she be... In full: my wife with all of you for him sure you keep in touch with each of individually... How this make it worse, but I recently found out she was two her,...